Update and Apologies

Hello friends!

Many apologies for the lack of updates in the last few months - Ben's been buying a house and Neil had a wedding to plan and execute. I, on the other hand, have nothing but laziness to blame for my lack of posts.

Next up in my list was the original Command & Conquer, a game I was mainly looking forward to because of it's mind-blowing installation screen which I remember my jaw dropping at when I first ran it, however, it doesn't work on 64-bit machines, and I found the web-only version too 'springy' on the old mouse interaction to play for any amount of time.

Next up is Command and Conquer 3 though, which Neil and I played extensively against each other, so I'll be starting on that tomorrow!

Happy New Year everyone!

Dead? Call To Power 2

Yay?

Call To Power 2 could be the first game in this project which I've finished.

It could be.

I got to the end and I didn't die. I think that fulfils the criteria. There is some uncertainty though.

How did I reach this possibly astonishing conclusion? Read on...

Dead! - Bastion

Well, well, well. It had to happen eh.

After giving it all that in the previous video, I only bloody went and got myself killed didn't I.

Lets see how.

Wall of Duty: Bastion

Eh! Get it? Because it's like a walled structure yeah? And a game?

Urgh. It's been a while, give me some time to warm up the pipes. Good news is that I've finally got round to playing Bastion, after failing to save a zombie infested city. Inspired by Thom's latest video playthrough, I decided that it was about time you saw my awesome game skills - LIVE.

So.

Without further ado...

Dead! Bookworm Adventures Vol. 2

Well, this is embarrassing.

Bookworm Adventures is a game for children. It's a fun way to practice your spelling from Popcap, who are widely known for their approachable, fun, and ultimately fairly easy games. You play 'Lex', a bookworm who is sucked inside the world of books and has to battle his way out by spelling the longest words you can from a four by four grid of random letters. There is no time limit and potions are given out liberally. Each opponent you defeat replenishes your health to full.
I have just been beaten by a boss less than half way through the game.

Dead! Atom Zombie un-Smasher

We can learn much from history, as my old history teacher would harp on about. "mrbenn," he used to say, "mankind's greatest triumphs and catastrophes are written in the annals of history; moments of true inspiration, mistakes that we must not make again. History is probably the greatest indicator as to who we are, as a species."

Well, he would say that. It was his chosen subject to teach.

However, he would be right when it came to zombie disaster management, in that my time in charge would surely be written down in history as one of the greatest failings of our time.

Dead! (Inside) - Black and White

Well, I don't know what to say really. I haven't died in the game, but I have died inside, and my enthusiasm for playing and writing about it is also close to death which is why, for the sake of the project, I've decided to just stop playing it.

Atom Zombie Smasher

I always talk about how I think I'd be pretty good at surviving the zombie apocalypse, so much so, that I really do want it to happen. Really. I do. I've seen enough zombie films in my time, so I know how they move and what they feast on. How to get rid of them? Well, I've practically grown up playing video games, so obviously I know to aim for the head. My youth was training.

The flat I'm currently renting seems to be perfectly designed against the undead horde, too. Firstly, I'm on the 2nd floor in this house. Second, the narrow entrance to our flat acts as a brilliant choke point. Thirdly, my cupboards are well stocked with baked beans and green herbs. And lastly, I own a shotgun.

Okay, well I might have embellished that a little bit.

I actually live on the first floor.

What I would be very rubbish at though, is evacuating a whole city. I can't stand middle management, you see. Unfortunately for me, this would be the goal of the next game on the list: Atom Zombie Smasher.

Dead! - Aquaria

"My story will become your own, and yours will become mine."

There was a time when I was just a fish woman in a crystal. I broke free. I sung songs to the fauna of Home Springs. I collected many recipes. I acquired knowledge of my past, not through ancestry.co.uk, but by slaying underwater manifestations of gods. I got laid in a clam.

I did this and much, much more.

Ahh crap. I'm dead.

First Project Update!

Firstly, we'd all like to thank you guys so much for your support for this project, and for taking the time read about us failing at games. We just hit over 30,000 views, across the internets, which is simply an incredible achievement for us. We love checking out the blogging stats in the morning and seeing where all the hits are  coming from!.

We've got lots of ideas on which direction we want to take it, but we're pretty new to all this blog malarkey, so we're learning as we're going. With that in mind, here is the first actual project update!

Aquaria - Sun, Sea, Sex

When starting this blog with Thom and Neil, I had assumed we would speed through our collection in record time. I mean, we're not the young gamers we used to be. Gone are the nights when you'd take it in turns to complete an endurance race in Gran Turismo, the 4am playthroughs of a newly released game, the endless 4-player goldeneye/mario kart sessions.

In fact, our average time per game played so far, on this blog, must be around the 15 minute mark. So we should be getting through the list quite quickly, right? 

However...at over 5hrs (and counting) Aquaria is surely going to screw that statistic.

Dead: Amnesia or How I Need to Learn to Stop Enjoying Games

Amnesia - The Annoying Design

So it seems like starting to enjoy a game is a herald of my upcoming death. What did I say just before my death in Conan?

"Just as I'm starting to remember what I like about Conan, and thinking that it might be fun to get stuck into it again for a while, it's all over"

I'm not going to lie I'm pretty annoyed at Amnesia right now. Just as I start to fall for it, and think that maybe there's a game underneath all the suspense, it reveals itself to be a big old liar.

It went as follows:

Amnesia - Am-(better than)-Neilisyeah?

...And Ben. I'm better than him too. Although only because I knew what was coming because of his runthrough.

And did I mention my name is Brigadier Camembert? Because it is!

Let's do this.

No wonder I'm not scared with a name like that

Aquaria - Episode III: Revenge of the Fish

To do list:
1) Punish Tubbs for his/her insolence.
2) Improve my cooking skills.
3) Redecorate the flat.
4) Sing a bit more.
5) Not die.

Amnesia - Why Does This Seem Familiar?

These are some of the first words you see when you start Amnesia: The Dark Descent:

Amnesia should not be played to win. Instead focus on immersing yourself in the game's world and story.

Sorry, but no.

Aquaria: Swimming / Cooking / Killing

Appearances can be deceiving. 

In my last playthrough of Aquaria, I had kinda deemed it a casual game. You swim about, collecting recipes and singing to things; avoiding crabs and the like. So upon launching it from steam, and after stirring from my red crystal cocoon, I was preparing myself for pretty much more of the same.

What I didn't anticipate was becoming some sort of fire fish daemon, who in turn would be hell bent on destroying any squid/crab/fish who stood in my way...

(though I did sing a lot...and collected more recipes)

Dead! - Age of Empires 2: Joan Quixote

If there is one thing I've learned on my journey through the 'A's it's that I'm really bad at computer games. I've put in well over my 10,000 hours, I work for a computer games company and I play literally every day. Literally. Every. Day.
An hour every lunchtime, and probably two hours every evening except on rare occasions when I leave the house to play Ultimate.
This began to become apparent when I started playing with Ben and Neil online, but I always had the fact that those other players - the ones who were spanking me all over the battlefield or topping the scoreboard on my team - were obviously LOSERS WHO HAD NO LIVES, unlike me, with my twice yearly gig attendance to distract me. But this project has removed that excuse...
So with that in mind here's the tale of Joan of Arc's final days.

Dead! - Amnesia: The Dark Descent

There's not much I can really add to what has already been said on this blog about Amnesia, so thought it best to dive straight in. I wouldn't really describe it as a game, more an interactive experience. An interactive experience that scares the hell out of Neil.

Whilst Neil takes the slow, methodical approach to Amnesia, immersing himself in its world, I decide it best to deal with Amnesia the way I deal with most horror related things in real life. To run through it, fingers in my ears, telling myself its okay, because it's not real.

It started off well, but as you can tell from the title of this post - it didn't end that way.

Dead! - Age of Empires III

Woenstag 13th, Maart, 1642AD
Hallo Miss Claudia, I hope you are well. I cannot contain my excitement, as today, I set sail for the New World! We are to join MrBenn and a group of settlers in the town of Van Chubbs. I left the military academy in Amsterdam and travelled to Rotterdam to board the 'Grote Maan'. Would you believe that Bartel is also on board! He hasn't changed a bit! I sure am glad to see a familiar face, for this will be a long journey. I will continue to write to you, my love. I miss you dearly.
Johan.

Dead! - Age of Conan

Well.

Well, well, well.

Just as I'm starting to remember what I like about Conan, and thinking that it might be fun to get stuck into it again for a while, it's all over. I'm pretty embarrassed. It wasn't a boss or anything, just some guards that I stumbled across. I'm sadder than I expected to be too.